Trust

Recently God has put it on my heart to put my whole trust in him. I'm the kind of person who likes to try and do it on my own and when I do that it usually always ends the same way, failure. Because that is the only status we earthly beings can reach on our own.
I always say, "Lord, I trust you whole hardheartedly. I trust that you can do anything!" but then in the long run I never truly trust him to follow through and be there for me, so I attempt to rectify the situation with my own feeble means and I again end in failure. The other day I was reading in James and I got to verse 17 of chapter 2 where it says "Even so faith, if it has not works, is dead, being alone." and in my Bible it had a little story that went a long with that:
"...There is a well-known story about a brilliant tightrope artist named Blondin, who pushed a wheelbarrow across Niagara Falls. After he had walked to the other side, the crowed roared with applause at his amazing feet.
He asked a small boy in the crowed if he believed that Blondin could walk back. The boy said, Yes sir! He then asked if the boy thought he could do it with him in the wheelbarrow. The boy said he believed he could do it, to which the famous tightrope walker said, 'Good! Jump in then and I will take you.' The boy would not get in."
This story always gets me because I can relate with that little boy so much! I say to God "I believe you can carry me across on the tightrope." but when push comes to shove I instead would try to walk across myself and fall to my death.
My dilemma was pretty much summed up tonight as I read through Hebrews 10-13 with my team. Hebrews 10:31 stuck out to me the most with my situation, a verse that I had heard and read millions of times before but always thought of it a different way. "It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God." Usually I interpreted that as meaning "It is a fearful thing for a sinner to fall into the hands of a living God with out repentance." Which it does mean that, but when I read it with my current mindset, I realized how it applied to me. It is through our fear in the LORD's almighty power and ability that we are able to let go and land in the hands of a living God who is waiting with outstretched arms. That was pressing on my heart as I was getting ready for bed, and I thought what better way to share it then through my blog :D